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| The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships | 
 enlarge | Author: John Gottman
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Category: Book
List Price: $14.95
Buy New: $8.67
You Save: $6.28 (42%)
New (36) Used (15) from $8.36
Avg. Customer Rating:  15 reviews
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 336
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 8 x 5.2 x 0.8
ISBN: 0609809539
Dewey Decimal Number: 152
EAN: 9780609809532
Publication Date: June 25, 2002
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| Customer Reviews:
| Showing reviews 1-5 of 15 | | NEXT » |
 Got tired of the male bashing. October 7, 2008
9 out of 10 found this review helpful
The author should have tried to appeal to men more.
Any family therapist knows that rule #1 is "Do not take sides." Your job is not to find out who's got the problem, who is to blame. Your job is to recognize the patterns that the family systems fall into.
The concept of the emotional bid is very simple and effective, but that doesn't get a book 5 stars. The rest of the book was Gottman's hairbrained speculations and "command system" formulas. Reminds me of all the other authors who have done the same thing, cataloging people according to their primary motives...Napoleon Hill, Anthony Robbins, Carl Jung, Myers and Briggs, David DeAngelo, etc. Obviously the emotional command systems notion wasn't "discovered" in his Love Lab. He invented that lens and now sees all human relations through it.
I found it telling that in the dozens of examples, every one portrayed the man as the one at fault and the woman as the innocent damsel trying her best. A man simply snaps at his wife. That's it. Tell the same story about a woman and we get a page of backstory justifying her discourtesy. And the irony is, Gottman's research showed that husbands in happy marriages "turned toward" their wives more often than husbands in unhappy marriages. But not wives. Whether their marriages were happy or unhappy, they "turned toward" their husbands the same amount.
Of course, that means that marriages will benefit most if MEN read and apply this chapter, but not women.
The problem with the entire book is, his research may be sound, but his conclusions are flawed. Gottman did the unforgivable (as it is called in statistical circles). He assigned a CAUSAL LINK where there was none.
OF COURSE their are more emotional bids in happy marriages. Gottman claims that the emotional bids lead to (cause) happy marriages. The problem is, it is just as likely that happy marriages lead to more emotional bids.
Therefore, emotional bidding causes nothing. It is the natural fruit of a happy marriage. Something ELSE caused the marriage to be happy (I'm sure you can think of dozens of plausible causes).
 Excellent Book October 7, 2008
I think this book has some very good insights for a variety of situations. I bought it more for some personal issues, but it has some lessons that seem just as effective in the workplace.
Life-changing strategies! August 22, 2008
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
This book has altered the course of my life. I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who would like to improve their relationships with their spouse, parents, siblings, children, bosses, coworkers, friends, or ANYONE. It teaches fundamentals about the human nature of communication, offering real-life examples to aid in understanding. Based on years of research, I think these guys are onto something amazing, and it has truly changed my life.
When one of my best friends confided to me that her husband had moved out and they were on the verge of divorce, I said, "Read this book together with him. It changed my life. Maybe it can help you, too." A few months later, she told me through tears that going through the process of reading this book together had changed their life too, and that now they were closer than ever. I ended up buying another copy to keep for myself.
For the preview- it breaks communication down to simple "bids" for connection, the way you could respond to them, and the outcomes of various types of responses. Apparently, we are a lot more predictable than we realize, and I have found the information to be tried and true in my life since I first read the hardcover edition when it first came out, happening upon it by accident in the bookstore.
Excellent book August 21, 2008
John Gottman's books always have some good advice, and this one is no exception. I find his research very interesting and useful. See also Michele Weiner-Davis's The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage
Great book with lots of practical exercises July 29, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This book contains a lot of practical information about all types of relationships. It will help you to become more aware of how you function in relationships and why. Then, even more importantly, it gives you sound information on how to take this new awareness and use it to improve your significant relationships. This is one of the better relationship books I've ever read and I read a lot on relationships.
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