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| Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life | 
 enlarge | Authors: Byron Katie, Stephen Mitchell
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Category: Book
List Price: $15.95
Buy New: $8.99
You Save: $6.96 (44%)
New (48) Used (29) Collectible (4) from $3.45
Avg. Customer Rating:  182 reviews
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 352
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 8 x 5.2 x 0.8
ISBN: 1400045371
Dewey Decimal Number: 158.1
EAN: 9781400045372
Publication Date: December 23, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: Brand New, Perfect Condition, Please allow 4-14 business days for delivery. 100% Money Back Guarantee, Over 1,000,000 customers served.
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Amazon.com Review
Remember the phrase "question authority"? Loving What Is is a workbook on questioning authority--but in this case, what is in question is the authority of our own fundamental beliefs about our relationships. Known simply as "The Work," Byron Katie's methods are clean and straightforward. The basis is a series of four questions addressed to your own lists of written assumptions. Whether you're angry with your boss, frustrated with your teen's behavior, or appalled at the state of the world's environment, Katie suggests you write down your most honest thoughts on the matter, and then begin the examination. Starting with, "Is it true?" and continuing with explorations of "Who would you be without that thought?" this method allows you to get through unhelpful preconceptions and find peace. An integral part of the process is "turning the thought around," and at first this can seem like you're simply blaming yourself for everything. Push a little harder, and you'll find a very responsible acceptance of reality, beyond questions of fault and blame. The book is filled with examples of folks applying The Work to a variety of life situations, and reading other's examples gets the idea across pretty clearly; chances are you'll find your own frustrations echoed on the pages a few times. Many chapters are divided into specific topics, such as couples, money, addictions, and self-judgments, with one chapter devoted to exploring the method with children. Questioning your own authority is never an easy process, but it seems well worth the potential rewards--stress-free choices, peace, and affection for those closest to you. --Jill Lightner
Product Description
Out of nowhere, like a fresh breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice on what to believe, comes Byron Katie and what she calls “The Work.” In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended. The freedom of that realization has never left her, and now in Loving What Is you can discover the same freedom through The Work.
The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.” Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us. At that point, we can truly love what is, just as it is.
Loving What Is will show you step-by-step, through clear and vivid examples, exactly how to use this revolutionary process for yourself. You’ll see people do The Work with Katie on a broad range of human problems, from a wife ready to leave her husband because he wants more sex, to a Manhattan worker paralyzed by fear of terrorism, to a woman suffering over a death in her family. Many people have discovered The Work’s power to solve problems; in addition, they say that through The Work they experience a sense of lasting peace and find the clarity and energy to act, even in situations that had previously seemed impossible.
If you continue to do The Work, you may discover, as many people have, that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace. Loving What Is offers everything you need to learn and live this remarkable process, and to find happiness as what Katie calls “a lover of reality.”
From the Hardcover edition.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 177 more reviews...
 Huh? January 9, 2009
Skip this one. A real snoozer. All I could take away from it was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I would never invest in another book by this author. What was her point? I have to scratch my head thinking about it.
 Not so sure January 7, 2009
Mixed Emotions, January 6, 2009
By S. Robertson "Page Turner" (Wixom, MI) - See all my reviews
I have mixed feelings in regards to The Work. Some concepts I fully agree with and I felt like The Work actually work. Then there were some cases like rape, cheating, the mother parenting her son, and death where I felt bothered with the way The Work handled things. I understand fully Byron Katie concept and approach to each situation, but I am not so sure that it was appropriate.
I also was bothered by how she handle things in her own life, like waiting for a voice to suddenly say pay the bills after they have piled up to a little mountain. It seem like there is a lot of avoidance, denial, laziness, and giving other's further permission to be take advantage of you. I agree that one should dissect themselves and see what they have contributed to the problem vs. playing the blame game. But saying I am wrong and that is my story and leave the person to their story which can still be hindering your story, thus still hurt you further, is like being a doormat.
I also wanted to know more about how did the The Work come about instead of hearing that she just got an epiphany one day while laying on the floor in a psych ward. What made her so depressed, what were the things that she did exactly while being deeply depressed, and how did it all come about.I felt no connection to her story but instead I read a ton of stories over and over again. I also think paying for her seminar and paying to be Certified to ask four repeated questions is a hoax. She tells you the steps in the bok, so why in the the hell do you need to pay someone to ask you those questions until you get the epiphany that you are at fault?
Everyone has their own opinion, I learn a few things from this book and I am applying it to my life but the rest she can keep for someone else. I
 The most precious gift! January 5, 2009
In September 2008 I found out my wife was having an affair and planning to leave, leaving me with our three children. I was angry, frantic and desperately wanting to understand, and to be honest, hurt her as much as I felt she had hurt me.
Fortunately my cousin had experienced The Work and gave me Katie's book, Loving What Is, with the warning "this can get a bit rugged". It certainly was, but isn't the harder path always more rewarding?. I was going to traditional counseling both with my (former) wife and by myself. Neither counselor confronted the "stories" that we clung to or the exaggerations we both insisted on creating to emphasize our positions. The Work was the "doing" that I needed to get to reality for myself and truly understand where I stood with my partner. Sadly she could not bring herself to confront her story and we parted ways.
Six weeks after this, my younger sister passed away suddenly. She was pushing boundaries and we were concerned about her, so it was not completely unexpected. I was very close to my little sister who had been in my care at 15 after our own parents marriage breakdown (I was 19 at the time). I wouldn't have been able to cope without a "doing" system that allowed me to confront my pain, anger and suffering as it came to me. The counselling was helpful in many ways, but The Work was there for me at 2am when the demons got their hooks into me.
This has been the most precious gift I have ever received. Thank you to my cousin, and to Katie. Also, thanks to Rosie Stave, the Facilitator for The Work in Brisbane, her workshop was fantastic, I can't wait to do another one in the new year.
I am now working out how to get to The School in the states for the nine day workshop. Brisbane needs more advocates of The Work!
Many thanks,
JH
avoidance and denial December 11, 2008
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
I really wanted to like this book. I knew that it was popular and I liked some of the ideas in the opening pages. But then I had to force myself to read to the end. The ideas became repetitious and unrealistic.
The author claims there are four important questions we must ask ourselves about a distressing situation in our lives, but two of the questions are the same: Is it true? and, Do you absolutely know that it's true? Why not just skip the first question and ask the second one?
The author must have preferred the idea of 4 questions rather than 3.
This book is a re-packaging of the idea that our feelings come from our thoughts and that if we can think more positively and accept our circumstances rather than making a judgement, we will be happier. Anyone who has read any self help books or gone through brief therapy will have discovered the truth of this.
But the author departs from this to suggest that we don't have to suffer if we accept everything and get rid of all our "shoulds." That if we accept the "truth" of the situation we can be calm, and avoid feelings of distress. Without any credentials at all, this author is denying what experts on grief have understood for decades: that humans must experience all the emotions to be fully human, and that there are ways of healing from most negative experiences if we are willing to do the work of healing, whether that work involves tears, anger, group therapy, etc.
In the endless examples of dialog given in the book between the author and her clients, the author was clearly leading the clients to reach the conclusions that were in the author's mind. She didn't allow them to reach any insights of their own because she was taking them to an outcome that would fit with her "theory." Her constant endearments in addressing these clients as she worked with them were cloying. Were I a client of hers, I would find that to be an inappropriate and annoying mannerism.
The author explains that she use to be in the depths of depression and despair. She never explains how she suddenly became well, but I think it must have coincided with her inspiration for this book and how she would market it. But teaching denial and avoidance is not okay, in my book, and could be very harmful. As humans, don't we need to admit that we are enraged when a drunk driver kills a loved one, or overwhelmed with sorrow when our baby dies? I'm guessing that the author cannot tolerate the pain that life can bring, and so has found a way to avoid it altogether. Sad for her, and a waste of time for the reader.
Looking forward to reading this book!!! December 5, 2008
I just ordered this book and have been reading all of your reviews. I agree with Wayne Dyer in the respect that we have to be "open to everything but attached to nothing" including ideas. The book may not 'speak' to everyone and that is fine, the search continues for those people. The description of this book and the reviews I am reading have me intrigued and excited to recieve my order.
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