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| Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved | 
 enlarge | Authors: Harville, Phd Hendrix, Helen, Ph.d. Hunt
Publisher: Atria
Category: Book
List Price: $14.00
Buy New: $4.99
You Save: $9.01 (64%)
New (33) Used (23) from $3.12
Avg. Customer Rating:  6 reviews
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 320
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.7
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.8
ISBN: 0743483707
Dewey Decimal Number: 158
EAN: 9780743483704
Publication Date: October 4, 2005
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
Harville Hendrix has illuminated the paths to loving, long-lasting relationships in his New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find. Now, with coauthor and wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, he brings us to a new understanding about one of the most complicated issues facing couples today:Receiving Love Many men and women know how to give love, but many more undermine their relationships by never having learned how to accept it. We don't always realize the ways in which we reject appreciation and affection, help and guidance from our romantic partners. And, according to Hendrix and Hunt, until we are able to understand the meaning behind our behavior, our relationships stand to suffer. Ask yourself:
Are you reluctant to tell your partner what you really want or need?When you do get what you've asked for, do you still feel dissatisfied? Is it difficult for you to accept kind gestures, gifts, or compliments from your partner? If you answered yes to any of the above, this book is for you. With Receiving Love, you can learn how to break the shackles of self-rejection -- which likely began in childhood, when our caretakers unintentionally failed to nurture us -- and embrace real intimacy. Drawing on their renowned expertise, the wide clinical experience of Imago therapists, and their own personal experience as a married couple, the authors offer detailed, sensitive advice on how to turn a relationship between two well-meaning yet misunderstood individuals into a true, everlasting partnership.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 1 more reviews...
 essential reading for ALL couples January 22, 2008
I think this is essential reading for reflection for ALL couples whether they have been married one day or eighty years
Harville Hendrix is an awesome teacher!! December 31, 2007
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
The book was received in a timely manner and the condition was as promised.
Have just finished reading "Getting the Love you Want" by the same author. He has the best way of presenting & teaching that I've ever experienced with a writer on this subject matter. And, wonderful exercises are included at the end to enable readers to practice application of what they've just read. Very helpful.
Receiving Love September 23, 2007
11 out of 12 found this review helpful
A very interesting and insightful book. Here are some representative excerpts.
God can be more easily found in human love than in the human mind - from the Brothers Karamazov
Ongoing interaction with a long-term partner can be an agent of transformation more powerful than any other. We have come to believe that it is the clearest way for transformation to occur.
Sooner or later in every relationship the initial attraction turns into a power struggle as couples find themselves facing in their spouse the same behavior and attitudes that drove them crazy in their parents. (Or it could be they project issues they had in the past with other people onto their spouse).
It turns out that loving your partner is the best way to facilitate your own personal and spiritual growth.
The impulse to step away from positive input is an indication that you have problems receiving love.
The most important commitment we (the authors) made were to end negativity and move toward amplifying the positive, even though we said many times we didn't know how to do that.
Separate Knowing = what is real and true exists independently of who is doing the observing.
Connected Knowing = Let me suspend my critical judgments for a minute and see if I can enter your world and try to feel the truth of what you are saying.
We are formed from every important relationship we have ever had.
No one comes to a relationship empty handed. There are all kinds of information, prejudice, wishful thinking, and expectations interjected between people before they really get to know each other.
Self-rejection and self-hatred are directly related to the problems people have in receiving love; i.e., "I'm not good enough".
What do butterflies and good relationships have in common? Both are colorful, but they also go thru 4 stages: For good relationships they are: attraction, romance, power struggle, and mature love (the full blown butterfly). For humans, volition is required for their transformation. Romantic partners have to become conscious (not act unconsciously), set goals, exercise patience and make good choices if their relationship is to progress to the next level.
We assign our partners characteristics we don't allow ourselves to have. We attribute a quality, fault, skill, motive, thought or feeling that originates from us. In a way we project onto them what we don't or won't know about ourselves.
One clue that it's a projection rather than an objective assessment is if it's veracity is asserted repeatedly, with intense emotion.
Being quick to anger or excessively self-absorbed are more often a symptom of unhealed wounds rather than a character defect. When people are mistreated as children, they don't know they have sustained a hit that strongly shapes the way they will connect to friends and other intimates in the future.
Kindness is an appropriate way of life when everyone is carrying the burden of previous psychological injuries.
Self rejection often masquerades as something else. It can be disguised as hypercriticalism of others or dissatisfaction and negativity about life in general. It can also look like perfectionism or shyness or a reluctance to extend oneself by trying new things.
A person who is having trouble receiving love will show it by consistently deflecting the positives and/or absorbing the negatives.
No matter how disconnected we feel, we are still part of the universal, interwoven tapestry of life. We cannot live in isolation, and we cannot heal alone.
We know that the reason people can't receive love is because they can't accept positive input for traits, talents, and qualities they've disowned, and they can't receive gifts their parents didn't approve of their having. In other words, self-rejection and self-hatred block their ability to take in what would be healing.
You cannot even heal your disconnection by loving other people or by loving God. You may compensate for your self-hatred by loving others, but you do not heal the breach within yourself. You must start loving in your partner those traits, habits, attitudes, and behaviors that give you the most trouble, in fact the very things he or she does that drives you crazy. It could be anything.
What you don't like or have rejected in yourself, you tend to project onto others, with the most on-target projections aimed at your partner. In order to relate to the parts of yourself that are missing, you project them onto your partner and relate to them in that form. You can experience the disapproval and dislike you have for yourself by disapproving and disliking those same things in your mate. This sounds far-fetched only because most projections are created in the unconscious. You don't know you're doing it.
The key is to understand, accept and `love' in your partner the things you hate, because then, in effect, you will be loving them in yourself. This works because the brain doesn't make a distinction between loving yourself and loving the Other. So when you approach the faults or your partner; i.e. your own projections of your partner's faults, with understanding, tolerance and acceptance, you get a double bonus. You experience understanding, tolerance, and acceptance for yourself as well as for your partner. Through repeated acts of loving acceptance, you gather to yourself all your neglected, abused, and frightening parts. Gradually you are restored to wholeness through the hard work of practicing acceptance.
What you need to do:
1. Make a list of the traits you would eliminate or exaggerate in you could in your partner.
2. Examine your list and know that these same traits are in some way connected to you. They are a mirror of the things you have rejected in yourself.
What you make up about your partner (or anyone else) and invest with energy is also true of you. The more you're trying to protect yourself from yourself, the more your projections will seem to you to bear no resemblance to yourself, and the more you will tell yourself that you are not like that in any way. Only when you stop projecting will you know that you've started to become whole.
Fear can make people deaf. It can limit people to talking, without truly communicating.
The inability to listen is always related to how deeply the person is wounded, and therefore, self-absorbed and closed-in.
 A hefty and solid workbook February 21, 2006
31 out of 34 found this review helpful
I am familiar with Hendrix's Imago workshop format, attended one years ago in NY with my significant other. It was one of the most challenging and difficult weekend experiences of my life! The relationship did not last, having NOTHING to do with the workshop (it was hanging by threads before).
Years later, a good friend who is a therapist, recommended Receiving Love. I felt quite resistant, based on my limited experience, however, since I know many couples who have benefitted from Harville's work, I decided my resistance must mean there is something for me to learn.
I am learning and opening my heart to issues I thought were healed. Maybe some stuff is never complete... at least for me, I sometimes need more fine tuning, to rehash areas of my childhood that may be lingering quietly in the dark recesses.
The book is a valuable guide (even for those not in relationship right now, like me) to clarify why things are not working in the "sample" couples. In fact, I think the sampling covers just about any potential issue, except perhaps extreme abuse.
The exercises are very challenging, I've only done the easy ones so far. The material is deeply thought-provoking, solidly researched and presented with compassion and intellect.
I appreciate the Hendrixes work, style and dedication to helping people discover themselves. This material offers the endless opportunity to heal yourself and help your mate heal their childhood wounds. Isn't that what we all want?
Give yourself and your partner a huge gift... read this book, then do the exercises. And talk and keep talking...
Pie Dumas - Author & Life Coach
 It's Not So Hard to Say "I Love You" Back. June 26, 2005
12 out of 75 found this review helpful
According to these PhD authors, it is easier to give love than to receive it. It goes back to our childhoods when a parent failed to nurture and rejected the person who depended on him for her very life. When a mother is absent, and a mean uncaring father ignores the daughter, she ends up with a complex which clearly says "Nobody can love me, so why try."
When we get grown, even married to a noncaring, sick man, it is impossible to get the love we want and need. Sometimes, you just have to look elsewhere. And that's not good for the children. Oh yes, you can have children without loving the father of those children. Sometimes, it is forced on you; sometimes it is taken from you when an abusive husband forces the wife to have an abortion, because He does not want to spend money to raise another one.
In this book, there is a guide to help one break the shackles of self-hate and -rejection, and to accept love from others. So often, what they are offering is not love, so you must weigh the issues and try to come to a logical (not emotional) conclusion. Your very life depends on it.
First, you must accept what is offered, but not indiscriminately. Be sure it is love and not lust. All women are "used" on occasion, but if possible you must not give in. The authors of this guide to help you to decipher true love from false promises look to be a couple. There is a science to any relationship; learning to accept love from the person you do love will make you whole again. We all have the potential to love freely and devotedly.
However, you can love more than one man at a time!
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